Integration with the locals
The best place to start to learn
about the importance of integration with the locals is back home. How
integrated are you with your locals. Are you dashing down to Romanian
or Serbo Croat classes. Have you signed up to wiggle appropriately at
Limbo classes?. Can you Rap it together er man? Can you order your pizza
in Italian, your Curry in Thai or your train ticket in Urdu. No chance.
Back home the new comers do the integrating, they all, well most, learn
English. Now after three generations of some immigrant families their
youngsters and yours are going to each others weddings and even marrying
each other. Now we have multi racial children with completely mixed
parents. The coffee coloured people have arrived. Now, pack the sewing
machine, put on your sombrero, pop up to Luton, grab a Campari and head
off to the Costa's, we are going to live in Spain. Now you are the immigrant.
What will it be like? Have you even thought about it?
Let us firstly explore this issue as a Spaniard. What do the majority
of them think about this invasion of Los Guirris (Yes that's what they
call you among themselves) It is not a derogatory word they even use
it to describe someone who comes from another part of Spain. In Andalucia
a person from Catalonia is also a guirri. In Catalonia a person from
Andalucia is normally a security guard or taxi driver. This lighthearted
banter between the Spaniards themselves denotes the tremendous changes
since the days of Franco where you were either Fascist or not. After
forty years under his iron fist the Spaniards have learnt to keep schtumm
The older generation complain very little. It was during this period
under Franco that tourism evolved as a major source of revenue in what
then was a fourth world country with little investment in infrastructure
investment or education. Most of these early earnings went too fund
the inadequacies of the dictatorship. No one dared to complain.
Whilst in those days it was cheap mass tourism where the returning planes were packed to the brim with Sombreros, donkeys, Toledo swords and brandy at ten bob a bottle. Today's visitor to Spain is probably staying in their own apartment or one owned by friends or family. Being shepherded around by reps is a dying trade as more folks use the internet to make their own arrangements. This would have been impossible in the sixties as the Spanish spoke very little English. It is why everyone flew off with Thompson's and friends. Today most Spanish people involved in the tourist and real estate industry in Spain speak English. The younger well educated generation compared to their parents have learnt that it is much easier to extract a tourist or property Euro from English speaking folks in English. It didn't take them very long to learn that most English speaking folk don't progress much past una cerveza and gracias. Every Spanish child in school now studies English for at least five years. There are now over 80,000 English speaking children in Spanish state schools. To most Spanish kids in coastal areas being familiar with two languages is the norm not the rarity of the past. Also there are several Private schools run by English speaking folks and following the English curriculum. Many of these are so good the Spanish send their children there. Today you can exchange jokes in broad Yorkshire with everyone from the chambermaid to the Taxi driver. The Spanish have spent the last fifty years rebuilding their country from the depths of hell to a wonderful friendly and now rich country with the money earned from tourism. Foreigners are part of their life and welfare. Most Spaniards know this and are very happy about it. Racialism against tourists or foreign residents is practically unheard of all over Spain. However, you always get the odd moron which is regretfully life in the modern world.
In many coastal areas of Spain, having grown up with Tourism since the mid fifties, the locals today make hardly any pretence that this is Spain. It is very simply an international tourist resort, accommodating some fifty million people a year of which more than 25 million speak English when you throw in the Germans, Dutch, Belgians, Scandinavians and a few French. All the signs are in English and all the menus, brochures, adverts, radio and TV, bus and train time tables and airport announcements. If you are a golfer all the direction signs, competitions and technical words are all in English. It's a bit like being in Bournemouth but with weather. In Basque country it's a bit like going to Wales in that they have their own language, which most of them don't speak, but all the road signs are in it. The difference in Pais Vasca is that none of them are either in Spanish or English. Prepare to become lost. The Spanish from the inner cities, where much less English is spoken as tourists tend to head for the coastal resorts, are discovering a new phenomenon. When they visit the coastal resorts, as more and more are today to escape the stifling summer heat, they have to learn how to order their cafe con leche y un mitad in English. As so many cafes and bars are staffed with non Spanish speakers. You can just picture this back home if you had to order your curry in Thai!
This is a typical scenario for the locations where most English speakers buy a property. They do not need to integrate, not even to learn gracias. These properties however are holiday homes. Mainly not lived in for the whole year but rented out or just left unoccupied for 48 weeks of the year. The main integration problems that foreigners face in Spain is with other foreigners. For example there is an enormous urbanisation called Sitio de Calahonda on the western Costa del Sol not too far from Marbella. It is paccked with mainly English folks. There are many jokes about this urbanisation, here are two.
Two English Calahonda residents are
attending the urbanisation committee meeting. A Frenchman stands up
and speaks in Spanish to the Community President (A Spaniard). One English
resident whispers to the other "You would have thought that after
being here for ten years M.Aloalo could speak some English!
One new arrival meets a Calahonda Resident for a cup of coffee and asks
if they have many foreigners up there. The Calahonda resident replies
no only a couple of Spanish people!
Another typical scenario is the assumption that all Spanish people have the same work ethic and interest in money as Northern Europeans. Here is a little story to illustrate what we mean;
Grow, grow, grow the boat rapidly
down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, life’s a bigger dream……
In the warm morning sunshine against a backdrop of a clear blue sky, a tanned and happy Spanish fisherman was relaxing by his boat on the golden sandy beach, contemplating about his life and his loving family. An extremely pale tourist gingerly approached him, being keen to learn much about the local folk and their economy. The pale white skinned tourist, some 1.85 m tall who obviously didn’t smoke, drink or swear, strutted with a gym defined muscular frame, was smeared with Number 26 UVA and B sun cream, sporting glowing white socks and Gucci sandals, with co-ordinated shorts and summer shirt from Nike and the latest Raybahn eye protection system, topped off with a straw Panama from Burlington Arcade, totalling some 900 dollars US.
Fresh from his nocturnal language learning hypnosis cassettes and as part of the self improvement and positive thinking personal development goals for his merry month of may he appraised the fisherman, whom in between the occasional bouts of mending very sturdy looking nets, puffed on his home made butt through a distinctly limited number of teeth, slightly stained and definitely crooked.
After a three second exposure of a
perfect set of very white dental masterpieces and positioning his head
in the warm assertive manner (T. Zoning) and looking the fisherman straight
in the eyes, as trained at the London Business School, the tourist,
on a 10 day special offer with a focus group of business colleagues,
enjoying a team bonding break from Greater Bottomley Management Consultancy,
the dialogue opens with a closed question…
“Is this your boat”?
“It is the boat from my family, yes”
“How many days per week do you go fishing”?
“Perhaps two or three it depends on how much we need to eat and
how much we need to sell” in order to have sufficient to live”
“Have you perhaps considered the benefits of, fishing on 7 days
a week, 24 hours a day with may be two or three shifts depending on
local union laws. Your boat, other than its required dead time for maintenance,
would be a much more efficient and profitable business tool”.
“No, why”?
“Well it’s very interesting, if you have 10 minutes available
in your very busy schedule, I would be very happy to explain it to you.
Do you need to consult your Psion Organiser or your secretary or your
Boss or are you able to make a decision now?”
“Time, I have plenty, Bosses I have none”
“Really, in that case, very simply, if you advertised for some
highly trained co-workers in the local Fishery and Associated Trades
Journal and put them on a low basic salary plus a commission and profit
share scheme they would be motivated to work this boat on your behalf
24 hours a day, seven days a week 365 days a year. You would need to
organise your paperwork, as part of your responsibilities would be to
act as an unpaid tax collector for the National and European Governments
for which you would need a secretary, a bookkeeper, an office, with
furniture and office equipment. You would have to install an automatic
telephone answering system designed to increase the call costs of your
customers while boring them to death alternatively with sales adverts
or piped music and occasionally asking them to push button 1, 2 or 3,
assuming of course that they know what they want. You would also have
to pay a proportion of your profits in Tax, plus National Insurance
for your employees. You would need to allow them at least 20 days paid
holiday and 10 sick days per years plus pay them to have babies and
be expected to listen to all their personal problems. In the event of
any of their consistent bad workmanship you would need a specialist
employment lawyer to ensure that you discipline or fire them in the
politically correct manner”.
“And then?”
“With the greatly increased sales of fish your income would rise
rapidly and you could buy more boats, have a bigger office, more secretaries,
staff and special advisers for matters such as inflation hedging, bad
debt provision, personnel and tax minimisation”
“And then”
“Then you would need to increase the capitalisation of your business
perhaps to acquire other fishing or related companies such as boats
fabricators, fish supermarkets, cat food manufacturers and net makers”
“How would I do that?”
“Your advisers would help you appoint Stock Brokers, Bankers and
Corporate Lawyers to launch your business onto the AIM or the FTSE or
the Ecological Foodstuffs Investment Market. It would make you a very
rich man, them too”
“And then”
“You could sell the business and retire and then you could sit
on this beach and go fishing when you want!”
“But what could I do with all that money other than go fishing”
“Your advisers could tell you to deposit some of it in a Private
Bank in a low tax offshore centre, such as Gibraltar where they would
give you fair and independent advice as to how to invest it with the
minimum of risk.
“How would I do that?”
“Well just phone a Private Bank, there are many in Gibraltar.
Once you have figured out how to get past their automatic answering
machine and pressed the right buttons and actually got hold of someone
to talk to, they would initially tell you that they know about a really
safe investment called a reverse convertible. A Bond issued by several
large safe German companies such as Siemens or Deutsche Telekomm. That
it would pay at the end of the term, normally 12 months, 15 to 18% interest
in cash or shares in those companies with a full return of your capital
in cash. In order to lodge funds with them to enable them to buy these
in their name on your behalf, you would have to go there and sign a
few papers to prove you are you. Probably give a blood and urine sample,
provide them with bank references to prove that you are not smuggling
or avoiding tax. Sign some more papers to allow them to invest money
on your behalf, sign even more papers to allow then to charge very high
fees for their services, sign more papers that absolve them from any
errors they may give in their fair and independent financial advice,
sign more papers that allow you to give them telephone instructions
and then relax and sit back while they lose all your money.”
“Why would they do that?”
“ Very simply let me explain, when you have a big business you
want of course to make as much profit as possible for your own good
and for the benefit of your shareholders. For this you need the willing
co-operation of your customers, they after all have the money. To get
the best possible staff to do this at the lowest possible price you
have to promise the employees high commissions on the products that
they sell on your behalf. In order sell these products successfully
(for them) they develop the use of words and phrases that are of course
designed to make the customer feel relaxed and secure that the advice
that they give is believable and that you can trust them. After all
the company is approved by Financial Regulators to deal in Financial
Products and it is a world wide renowned Company. They tell you enough
for you to say yes, but they don’t tell you everything. The staff
earn a lot of money using these sales methods but they carry no personal
liability or accountability for this, the company does. They send bits
of paper in Bank Gobbledegook from time to time which of course you
don’t understand without consulting your advisers. When you phone
them to ask their advice, you have to ask the question “whose
interests are at heart here?” the customer or the bank the answer
is of course “the Bank”.
“And then”
“Well when the time comes to ask about receiving your interest
and renewing your investments suddenly one is shocked to learn that
these Reverse Convertibles are now paying the interest in cash and that
the return of the considerably reduced remaining value of your capital
in practically worthless shares that no one has heard of and no one
wants. Naturally, you contact them to express your concerns, of course
you fax them lodging a complaint. Of course they respond eventually,
denying all responsibility, refuting all claims that their salesman
missold the investment. Then by way of a helpful attitude and to be
really helpful in serving their valued customer they give notice to
close your account.
“And then
“You are with no option but to resort to informing the Financial
Services Commission, who won’t get your money back but might take
action to prevent such misselling in the future. Or take expensive Legal
Advice from a law firm who will of course say that he can recover all
your money, just send him some of his fees in advance. One can also
send articles to the press who probably won’t do anything because
of the advertising revenues they receive from these Financial Institutions.
One can also do nothing it probably won’t make any difference,
as a customer in the modern world you are the last person to be of any
interest to a large company, there will always be another mug along
tomorrow.
“And then”
“Listen, you seem a very contented Fisherman, you lie on this
beach, enjoy all meals of fresh fish, fruit and vegetables with your
family, have no debt or rent to pay. You have enough to eat and enjoy
a wonderful quality of life, I wonder” said the tourist picking
up the other end of the net and the repair tools, removing the inappropriate
footwear and unbuttoning his shirt “on the days that you are not
using your boat perhaps you could hire it to me”?
The integration fun begins when you wander off the beaten track or go where tourism has grown up side by side with existing industries such as agriculture. Mass tourism tended to evolve in the coastal areas of Spain where there was no water and therefore no agriculture, huge tracts of land were dirt cheap. If there was no water there was no competition for this desert type land. Most of the western Costa del Sol, which had very little water grew from nothing except tiny fishing villages. Where there has always been water, for example in Nerja on the Eastern Costa del Sol. Apartment blocks have emerged between the avocados. It was difficult to persuade Spanish families to part with their centuries old agricultural income and take a risk on a small tourist development. Therefore the available land tended to be small parcels on non farmable hilly bits. The tourist complexes tend to be small and be surrounded by local Spanish families. The need to integrate is therefore more important purely because of the close physical juxtaposition of Guirri and native. You get to hear far more Spanish spoken at the top level of the decibel range. The farmers have never had to learn English in order to grow tomatoes and oranges. The Spanish people in Marbella never came from Marbella. They never went to school there and therefore live among a limited circle of friends and family. Whereas in Nerja everyone knows everyone else. It makes for a marvelous lively and friendly atmosphere. Most of the inland villages of Spain are like this. More and more English speaking folks choose to follow this path for their new life in Spain. Properties and the cost of living are much cheaper. This is where you need to learn to integrate not only by language but also to take on board the Spanish way of doing things. That is slowly. Buying a car and getting the new owner registered on the paperwork can take months. In Spain no one cares if it takes so long. They probably buy a car every ten years. The degree of importance of the speed and efficiency of matters bureaucratic is about as vital as keeping your car clean.
In order for English speaking types to integrate successfully it is firstly necessary to leave all traces of apoplexy firmly behind in Sevenoaks (or is it three and a half by now). Forget your Britishness. Here it is quite OK to stop in the middle of the street and have a chat with your neighbour while everyone honks their horns behind. In fact it is considered downright rude if you don't say Hi to anyone you know as you move around your neighbourhood. Queuing in Spain is a good opportunity for a chat, use it to practice your Spanish. Throw away most of what you learnt in the York school of Spanish Language, as most here have a tooth missing and use their own dialect, rather like they do in Yorkshire or Glasgow. There is only one place to learn this local version of Spanish properly. It is not necessary to have your teeth removed either, but it might help them understand you better if you at least attempt to pronounce the limited number of words you can say in a Spanish accent. Just pretend for a minute you are Manuel from Barcelona and thpeek with some music and passion not dull and dreary monotones. Get your thee's and hhhh's in the right place and your emphasis in the word correct. For example there is an enormous difference between colón and cólon. Be careful with your gender, pollo is very tasty with onions whereas polla is not. The finest place to practice your Spanish is in a local bar with a couple of sherry´s on board and talk and listen to the local barmen and farmers. You won´t be wowed by the profundity of the conversation but you will learn all the basic words for eating, drinking and family. Bank manager or lawyer will always be the same word in both language "Bastardo".
As your language skills improve, which
they will in proportion to the effort you put in. As you experience
the different day to day scenarios at the butcher, the baker and the
candlestick maker your remembered vocabulary will increase. As you learn
their names and the right level of formality in terms of tu or Usted
you start to absorb the intricacies of their bureaucracy and politics.
Best not to get involved in the politics, but certainly go to the Town
Hall and register as a property owner (Empadronado). It will qualify
you to vote at local elections. Don´t expect however some in depth
manifesto about their next five year plan. They are like all politicians,
you cannot believe a word they say. You can only judge by what they
have done. Read our article on about Spain to learn about these.
The biggest and and most important thing to remember about Living in
Spain is to put off until tomorrow what could be done to day. We call
it Mañana, so do they but for completely different reasons. If
you cannot tolerate this attittude then go and live on the coastal resorts
where it is more like home. If you want to integrate in the smaller
towns and villages see this change to the mañana principle as
a positive step forward in the quality of your life. Worry about what
is important to the Spaniards because then it is important. For example
did Real Madrid win today? Has Aunty Maria recovered from her funny
turn? Is little Paco talking yet? Family first last an all ways, well
after football. Business and money last they are just what we do not
what we live.
There are some important matters to remember should wish not to the Spanish version of a Wally. Do not rant and rave in the local press about the inefficiencies of Spanish Bureaucracy or make supposedly helpful suggestions about how much quicker and better they can do it. They need to evolve at their own speed. Don't try and dance Flamenco or Sevillanas you will be bound to trip over, especially if you have bought all the gear. Your clapping out of time, singing out of tune and unsynchronised unnatural movement will make you look like a one legged drunken parrot. Don´t sit in the midday sun! Don´t wear short trousers before May or after September. Don´t wear handkerchiefs over your bald spot, get a proper hat. Don´t wear socks and sandals, wear your shirt in the street. Don´t seem impatient anywhere. Tolerate little old ladies pushing in. Wait until a space appears until barging your way through the Spanish family taking up the whole street. Don´t do your own tax return, get a Gestor like all the Spanish do. Don´t get plastered and leave pavement pizzas everywhere. You always know where the northern Europeans have been celebrating. Don´t decline any offer of hospitality. When invited anywhere by a Spaniard he will not be happy if you take a gift. Conversely if he bothers to accept your invitation, most will say yes but won´t come, don´t expect him to bring anything. If you are arranging an international dinner party and want everyone to turn up at the same time put different times on the invitation. The Germans will turn up exactly on time. The Brit's fifteen minutes later and the Spanish two hours later if you are lucky.
Learning how the Spanish do things is important to your quality of life here in Spain. It is a lifetime project which after thirty years or so you might know how it all works but you will never understand why it is so. It probably stems from all those years of dictatorship. No one wanted to be deemed responsible for anything, the solution was therefore to do nothing. Therefore nothing happened. When you have the good fortune to touch anything bureaucratic in Spain never forget the paperwork, more copies of the paperwork, far more bits of paper than you ever dreamed existed and of course your passport.
At recent elections in a mountain village where there is extreme danger of the foreign vote upsetting the entrenched party. The incumbents simply fudged the voting rules. You only need to present your passport or your carnet (Identity card) at the polling booth. On this day the fudging was done by insisting you needed both, regardless of what the paperwork said. By the time officials had been brought in to adjudicate the polls were closed. Job done only half the foreign voters had thought to bring all their papers.
Accurate direction signs in Spain are like gold dust. Back home you could always stop and ask someone as you can here. The main difference here is that most folks are not familiar with street names or how the land lies much beyond their front door or a couple of blocks away. You can waste a lot of time following half understood directions to the wrong place.
If you have an appointment with an official anywhere try and get a piece of paper confirming it. They often forget or deem something else to be far more important, like a cup of coffee. Just because a sign says something don´t believe it. Attractive currency exchange rates outside Banks or the well priced front line apartment in the estate agents window are normally well out of date.
Going to the doctor and hospital we cover in Medical matters and transferring car papers or getting your driving license we cover in vehicles.
Happy integrating! Mail us with your experiences.
The way we at Spog have learnt to
live very happily amongst all these potential nightmares is to see every
situation as a comedy, even the tragedies. When a friends father passed
away the funeral company sent only two wee fellers to cart off this
great hulk of a man on what was his last journey. No matter, jackets
off and muck in to help load him into the coffin, shoehorn him into
the lift and down into the van for its trip to his final resting place.
As you wait amid thousands at the hospital for your appointment with
the consultant don´t worry you will be seen but probably last,
after all you are a guirri.